no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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