Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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