Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
