girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
