i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
