Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
