I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
