What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
