Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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