literally had 100 drinks last night.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
