you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
