He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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