So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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