4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
