I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
