Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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