I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Someone came in the potted fern
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
