True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
