come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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