So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
