So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
