we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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