it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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