he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
