The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
