im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I need water and some morals
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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