imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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