whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
