Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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