I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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