I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
