i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
