I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
