You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
