nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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