Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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