Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
