Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We have started to decorate penises.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
