I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Randomize
