This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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