I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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