And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
