Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
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