I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
