I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
