i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
