I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
That reminds me...we need to get swords
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Mom said you looked used
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
