saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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