i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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