She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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