You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
