Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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