About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
