Christians are straight up FREAKS
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
